Yesterday
was a hard day. Since receiving my
diagnosis a few weeks ago I have felt at my best while reading and learning
about my illness. I have accepted my
illness as real – it’s as real as diabetes, neuropathy, Tourette syndrome, or
autism. I am taking responsibility for
my illness by doing everything I can to get healthy. I currently take three different
prescriptions (a total of 4 pills each day), I eat small meals 6
times a day to help my blood sugar stay level, and I am practicing good sleep habits.
I
think I have read and bookmarked just about every article and scientific study
about Bipolar disorder on the web. I
recently finished reading a wonderful book that made me not feel so alone
called “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison. Yesterday I had an appointment with my
psychiatrist shortly after work. Since I
was out of reading material I decided to stop at Barnes and Nobel and buy a few
books about Bipolar disorder.
Upon
arriving at the book store I asked where the psychology books were
located. After finding the shelf I
started removing each book about Bipolar Disorder and stacking them on the
floor. I found books like “Bipolar
Disorder for Dummies,” “Bipolar 101,” and “Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder.” I suddenly felt overwhelming sad. I started to cry. I was grateful that no one was around. After a
few minutes I pulled myself together and started thumbing through the books.
I
had a pile of about 10 books so I sat down cross-legged on the floor. Looking at the price tags instantly reminded
me of why I usually buy books from Amazon.
I decided to buy two books. As I leafed through the pages of the black and white texts something yellow
caught my eye. I flipped back to find
the glint of color and found the following Post-It Note stuck to the cover page
of a book.
I
started crying again. This time it was a
joyful cry. I didn't feel so alone. Someone’s kind act of sharing their feelings
and experience with Bipolar Disorder in this simple 5 word note gave me hope.
Since
being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder I have wanted to share my story with
the world. If my story can help even one
person get help sooner than I did it would be worth it. But I was scared of what others might
think. After reading this note and
recognizing the hope it gave to me I have started this blog.
The
blog is currently anonymous but that might change at some point in the
future. Right now, the anonymity allows
me to protect others who might be impacted by my story. I hope to post my
thoughts, feelings, and experiences every few days. I pray that my writings will help others and
help me.
Until
then, please know that you are not alone.
