My Diagnosis

Yesterday was a hard day.  Since receiving my diagnosis a few weeks ago I have felt at my best while reading and learning about my illness.  I have accepted my illness as real – it’s as real as diabetes, neuropathy, Tourette syndrome, or autism.  I am taking responsibility for my illness by doing everything I can to get healthy.  I currently take three different prescriptions (a total of 4 pills each day), I eat small meals 6 times a day to help my blood sugar stay level, and I am practicing good sleep habits.

I think I have read and bookmarked just about every article and scientific study about Bipolar disorder on the web.  I recently finished reading a wonderful book that made me not feel so alone called “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison.  Yesterday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist shortly after work.  Since I was out of reading material I decided to stop at Barnes and Nobel and buy a few books about Bipolar disorder.

Upon arriving at the book store I asked where the psychology books were located.  After finding the shelf I started removing each book about Bipolar Disorder and stacking them on the floor.  I found books like “Bipolar Disorder for Dummies,” “Bipolar 101,” and “Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder.”  I suddenly felt overwhelming sad.  I started to cry. I was grateful that no one was around.  After a few minutes I pulled myself together and started thumbing through the books.

I had a pile of about 10 books so I sat down cross-legged on the floor.  Looking at the price tags instantly reminded me of why I usually buy books from Amazon.  I decided to buy two books.  As I leafed through the pages of the black and white texts something yellow caught my eye.  I flipped back to find the glint of color and found the following Post-It Note stuck to the cover page of a book.

I started crying again.  This time it was a joyful cry.  I didn't feel so alone.  Someone’s kind act of sharing their feelings and experience with Bipolar Disorder in this simple 5 word note gave me hope.

Since being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder I have wanted to share my story with the world.  If my story can help even one person get help sooner than I did it would be worth it.  But I was scared of what others might think.  After reading this note and recognizing the hope it gave to me I have started this blog.

The blog is currently anonymous but that might change at some point in the future.  Right now, the anonymity allows me to protect others who might be impacted by my story.  I hope to post my thoughts, feelings, and experiences every few days.  I pray that my writings will help others and help me.

Until then, please know that you are not alone.