Recently I was asked what it would be like to argue with a me. The question was posed by a new friend who had just found out I have Bipolar. I wasn’t really prepared for the question, so I gave a weak answer. However, I have thought about it over the last few days and I now have the answer. So, what is it like to argue with me? The answer is:
- The same as it is to argue with anyone else.
Groundbreaking, I know! But in all seriousness, Bipolar means I approach an argument knowing I need to be conscience of certain things about me. But don’t we all? Doesn’t everyone need to think about the other person? Doesn’t everyone need to be aware of how they are feeling? Doesn’t everyone need to treat others fairly? We base these checks and balances on our life’s experiences. Mine just happen to include Bipolar.
So rather than describe what I do that is different from what others might do, I will simply tell you what I do. If you do things similarly, perhaps you will conclude that Bipolar isn’t as mysterious as you may think.
I have four simple rules for arguing (or discussing if that word makes you feel more comfortable).
- No name calling. Absolutely no name calling. None. I won’t go there. The argument is about whatever momentary conflict is occurring, not about someone’s personal character.
- No yelling. This covers many things but mostly insures that emotions are kept in check.
- All arguments need to be resolved at some point. Conflict should not be left indefinitely.
- Communicate your intentions. If you need more time, ask for it. If you can’t resolve it now and you need an hour to think about it, say you need an hour. If an hour comes and goes and you need more time, ask for it. Don’t just walk away. There are too many ways to interpret that action.
That’s it. There is no special care or feeding required because I have Bipolar. The funny thing is, when I was asked the question, that is where my mind immediately jumped to. I asked myself, “What special things do I need to do because I have Bipolar?"
How we handle life is based on what we have learned from past experiences. In some ways I feel blessed because there are whole books written and lectures given about a part of my life – Bipolar. It is almost like having a manual. ;-)
